It’s been about a month since I last wrote.. I would apologize, but I just don’t have it in me. My life has been beyond crazy and an emotional roller coaster… to say the least.
Back in January when I started this blog, I had recently learned of my dog, Twizzler’s diagnosis of lymphoma. I’m not sure if I started this blog as a way to express my emotions regarding her cancer or whether it was just a coincidence that they began at the same time. I’m not sure, but I do know that this blog has not only given me an outlet to express my fears and anger, but also a way to help me dig deeper into my own faith. Many times when I write a blog post, I’ve just learned something that I want to share with the others or a thought has popped into my head that I want to explore further. And so, as I write, I also learn. I’ll probably never get back to writing daily posts again, but I am planning on getting back into my groove of writing 2-3 posts a week. I was in a better place when I wrote and I was closer to God than ever before and that’s something.. I definitely don’t want to lose.
The reason I’m telling you all this is.. well I’m not really sure. I guess I’m avoiding the real reason for this post. I’m procrastinating telling you the things that need to be shared. It’s hard to think about, let alone write about. But.. here it goes.
My sweet Twizzler passed away this past Friday. She fought the fight of a lifetime. Every time cancer was determined to take her down, she fought back swinging. She wasn’t going down without giving her all. And truth be told.. she never did give up. During her last week with us, she slowly got worse and worse. She ate her last meal Monday evening and her quality of life was slipping away right before our eyes. On Friday, Christopher and I made a decision that I would not wish upon my worst enemy. We decided to have her put to sleep. The emotions that come with making that kind of decision are so overwhelming and takes a toll on you mentally, emotionally and even physically. And as much as it hurt to say goodbye, ultimately I knew it was for the best. I have peace with the decision we made. It doesn’t make the process easier, but it does allow me to know that she is pain and cancer free and that is something we could not fix here on earth.
Twizzler was my best friend. Aside from my husband, Twizzler was the only ‘person’ that knew everything about me. I talked to her like a human being, we watched tv together, we ran the trails together, we shared food.. we did it all.. she was my best friend. For those of you who aren’t ‘dog people’ – well, you may have already quit reading this simply because you don’t understand the relationship one has with their dog.. and that’s fine.. but this friendship can’t be explained.. you just need to experience it for yourself.
She was one of the kindest, most loyal and giving souls I have ever met. If people were more like their dogs, this world would definitely be a better place. I know I would be a better person if I was more like Twizzler. She taught me so many things and I think she would want me to share them with you…
- Loyalty. Stay true to the ones you love.
- Go on long walks. Take time for yourself and enjoy God’s creation.
- Trust your instincts.. rarely are they wrong.
- Forgiveness. Forgive, forget and let love overcome.
- Sharing. It’s much more fun when toys are shared. Share the gifts you’ve been given with others so you may spread the same happiness that you have found.
- Patience. A dog didn’t learn to sit in a day.. Give people time to understand what you want.
- Companionship. There is nothing better than true friendship.
- Go on as many car rides as you can. Life is more fun with a little adventure.
- Unconditional love. Love without reservation, footnotes or clauses.
- The joy of the chase. Pursue the things in life that you really want and those that make you happy.
Twizzler definitely taught me a lot. And.. even though I never thought it was possible.. She even taught me about faith. Twizzler’s cancer ultimately took her life, but it also gave life to my faith. My faith was strengthened in ways no other experience could have and my relationship with my husband grew deeper and deeper by the day. We became closer as a family and made sure to count our blessings twice. I’m a better person for being Twizzler’s mommy and I can only hope that I can being half the friend to others that she was to me.
As we said our final goodbye, I made a promise to Twizzler. I promised that I would be a better person, a better Christian. I promised her that I would do anything I could in order to be reunited with her in heaven one day. So, why does it take us a life changing experience to get us going in the right direction? I don’t know.. but I do know that from here on out.. I’m not only going to be the person God has called me to be, but I’m going to be the person that Twizzler has always thought I’ve been.