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Twizzler is currently at the Veterinary Emergency Center. Since her last chemo treatment on June 16th, she has slowly taken a downward spiral. Her lymph nodes have greatly enlarged, she’s been nauseous and has had difficulty breathing. Things aren’t looking good, but hopefully I’ll hear some kind of good news today when I pick her up…

I can’t help but think about losing her. I try not to; I try to focus on the time we do have with her, but it’s so hard. My heart aches continually and every time I leave the house, I can’t help but think that it might be the last time I see her. I’m normally a pretty optimistic person, but with her.. I’m anything but. She brings so much joy to my life that it’s hard to imagine life without her.

And as I sit here and think about the journey we’ve had thus far, I am constantly reminded how much my faith has grown throughout the treatment process. Instead of turning against God and becoming angry, I’ve turned to Him to be rock and stronghold. Now, don’t get me wrong.. I’ve spent many nights crying my eyes out and screaming how unfair all of it is, but at the end of the day, I know blaming God won’t get me anywhere. He has given me the strength to wake up each day, go to work and put a smile on my face. When struggling to pay the bills, He’s given us financial security. And God has brought Christopher and I together as a couple in a way I never thought was possible… including praying together. Our lives have definitely been turned upside down, but I’ve seen God work in ways I never would have otherwise. I’ve realized… I find God when I fall apart. Christ is holding me together even on the days when it feels like everything is falling apart.

Colossians 1:15 says, “He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of all creation. All things have been created through Him and for Him. He is before all things and in Him, all things hold together.” 

“Fall Apart” By: Josh Wilson (Listen to the acoustic version here..)

Why in the world did I think I could
Only get to know you when my life was good
When everything just falls in place
The easiest thing is to give You praise

Now it all seems upside down

‘Cause my whole world is caving in
But I feel You now more than I did then
How can I come to the end of me
And somehow still have all I need
God, I want to know You more
Maybe this is how it starts
I find You when I fall apart

Blessed are the ones who understand
We’ve got nothing to bring but empty hands
Nothing to hide and nothing to prove
Our heartbreak brings us back to You

And it all seems upside down

‘Cause my whole world is caving in
But I feel You now more than I did then
How can I come to the end of me
And somehow still have all I need
God, I want to know You more
Maybe this is how it starts
I find You when I fall apart

I don’t know how long this will last
I’m praying for the pain to pass
But maybe this is the best thing that
Has ever happened to me

My whole world is caving in
But I feel You now more than I did then
How can I come to the end of me
And somehow still have all I need
God, I want to know You more
Maybe this is how it starts
I find You when
You will find me when I fall apart

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