I’ve been really confused lately. I feel like I’m doing something right and that it’s in God’s plan and then something happens and I start to question everything. And Chris and I have been in the midst of making a pretty big decision for our family and I just can’t seem to find peace with any answer.
I ask God for His plan to be known to us and for our eyes to be open, but the problem ends up being that my eyes are TOO open. I think every little thing is a sign from God. Everything that happens I feel should either push us in one direction or the other. And therefore, I start playing tug of war with myself and my emotions take a toll.
I read into things way too much and I take things personally. I’ve always been like that and probably always will be. When trying to make a decision I look for things to sway my answer one or the other, automatically assuming that it’s a God given sign. Now, don’t get my wrong… I truly believe that God speaks to us in crazy and wonderful ways, but I tend to take it to the extreme. It’s ridiculous. And I never know exactly what He’s trying to get at if it is a sign from Him. If I receive an unexpected check in the mail.. do I think it was sent because I need to put it in my savings account or was it sent because God really wants me to put it towards something we as a family want or need? When an opportunity to lead comes up at church, is it God telling me to jump in and get even more involved.. or should I stand back and let someone else take the reigns? Oh.. the confusion continues.
Here is my wish.. in a perfect world. When God gives us signs.. He would attach a tiny, little note that said exactly what it meant. Here you go Kristina… go and do..[fill in the blank]. Wouldn’t that be nice?
But, I guess all this confusion just really stresses the need for me to communicate more with Him, to keep my eyes wide open and my ears eager to listen.
Maybe tomorrow won’t be as confusing..